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My Neighbour Totoro was probably my first exposure to anime. The scratched up old VHS that had no doubt been copied off a family friend was dubbed in Cantonese, so my three year-old self knew the titular character as "龍貓" and like may children I was completely enamoured by the fantastical adventures on my TV screen. Several years later, Sailor Moon (dubbed in English) burst onto the scene, and to say I was obsessed would probably be an understatement. I would rush home every day after school to catch the newest episode and I still mourn the sizable card collection I had cajoled my poor parents into helping me acquire. But if Sailor Moon paved the way for anime in the North American market, Pokemon opened the flood gates and suddenly there was an embarrassment of riches when it came to family-friendly anime being available on TV. Aside from a special few though (namely Digimon and Cardcaptor Sakura), most of the series that came and went failed to hold my attention.
Then I discovered through a new friend (a crush, if I'm being honest) that the local kids' channel played the "cooler" and "more mature" anime when I (a deeply shy, uncool and rule-following teenager) was already in bed. As someone who loved to sleep, staying up late was a big ask, but the pretty boys and political intrigue of Gundam Wing managed to entice me into sacrificing sleep. And so I was pulled into the vortex, never to fully escape from the grasp of anime again. I started visiting my new friend's house where we would watch his anime VHS tapes (copied off friends, as is the Asian way. See: Totoro) and we scoured the internet looking to find what our next emotional investment should be.
It should surprise no one that in 1999, the talk of the internet world was Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Between all the online anime sites telling me this was a must watch and the "cool girl" anime fan at school dedicating a whole section to the series on her Geocities website (all the rage in 1999-2000), I was determined that I would get my hands on this series. Knowing only that there were giant robots and teenagers piloting them, I convinced my parents to let me spend my little bit of cash on the first VHS tape through an online anime store. $50+ dollars for a measly two episodes.
I know how old this truly makes me, but man! Kids today really have NO idea how good they've got it.
My friend and I waited with bated breath for the package. When the VHS tape finally arrived, we arranged a viewing date. I still remember the shivers I felt down my spine when the opening song and animation started. This was going to be something special.
Needless to say, we devoured the first two episodes in one go.
It was a foregone conclusion that I was going to have to purchase the next installment. With each VHS costing $50 and my cash influx consisting only of birthday/Christmas money, Chinese New Year Money, and $20 per "A" on my report card (no weekly allowance for me!), I was going to have to do well in school and live a comparatively frugal teenage lifestyle in order to afford them all. I had enough saved to commit to the next tape immediately, but we were going to have to wait until the following report card to see about any further purchases.
Thank goodness, then, for the advent of DVDs. Not long after I managed to get my grubby little hands on the second tape, ADV Films announced that they would be releasing the series on DVD. $50 for 3-4 episodes seemed to be a much more economical option and the fact that it would be months between releases meant that I could relax a little bit in saving money, even if it was excruciating to wait for new episodes. But over the next year and a bit, I would purchase the newly released DVDs whenever they were available and our little viewing group grew from just the two of us to four or five (depending on scheduling availability). It always felt like an event, the anticipation for these next installments and what they would deliver, soaking in all the visuals and dialogue and music because we only got three new, precious episodes every few months. I remember all of us laughing a little when we couldn't help singing along to the opening and closing themes. We were absolutely hooked.
I'm not sure if I can accurately remember my feelings about the ending. It's no secret that Evangelion is a deconstruction of the mecha genre, and so when things started to take a turn into a downward spiral I was prepared and probably even appreciated it - what with being in the melodramatic throes of being a teenager in high school and wanting things to be "gritty" and "real". Still, while I loved the characters and was emotionally invested in their journeys, I was equally invested in the grand underlying plot, intrigue, and conspiracies that seemed to coming to light. So when the last two episodes rolled around, I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that most of it fell by the wayside. But, I had also paid $50 for this last DVD so I also felt compelled to like it because it had cost me so much! I suppose that's where End of Evangelion comes in. While many fans feel this was a satisfying conclusion to the story, I was left a bit whelmed. It's been nearly two decades since I've watched it, so I can only say that I loved Komm, Susser Todd and felt otherwise ambivalent and maybe even a little frustrated with the oppressively negative and almost nihilistic ending.
I'm not sure I expected much when the Rebuild of Evangelion series was announced. I knew I would watch it, but more out of mild interest and fond nostalgia rather than any true excitement. The first movie offered beautiful animation, but there wasn't much that was new to explore. And then I went away to Australia for veterinary school and pretty much lost track of its progress. Sure, I would hear occasional updates that a new movie was out (or a new song, as the case may be), but I honestly didn't know until this year about its prolonged and troubled production (14 years!)
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And I return almost 3 years later to finish this rambling, stream of consciousness about Evangelion! Fitting - I think - given the subject.
My mom got an Amazon Prime account, and with that came Prime Video. She generously shared her login with me, and in one of those mind-numbing, doom-scrolling fits, I happened across the fact that Amazon had the "exclusive" rights to streaming the Rebuild of Evangelion movies! And all 4 of them were available for my viewing pleasure! What!
Honestly, I'd picked a good time to stumble across this (September 2021) as the last movie had only just been made available in North America a month earlier. After - I cannot emphasize this enough - 14 years of production from the release of the first movie until then.
Despite my own feelings of ennui and disappointment in the human race with the pandemic still very much a part of our daily lives, I decided to give it go. Misery loves company after all, and this universe in particular was populated with characters that certainly existed in miserable circumstances. And whoo boy, did the first two moves deliver that misery in spades! I remember commenting on a Plurk Post I'd made about it that "this seems more... brutal than I remember". Evangelion is not exactly a series that inspires warm, fuzzy feelings as a rule, but as an adult, with the movies deliberately leaning into the horror of watching these pre-teens be subjected to this level of violence and trauma as "military assets"... well, it was bleak. Which was impressive in its own way, given I went into this expecting nothing less.
The third movie - honestly - was an exercise in frustration for me. Like many, it's a pet-peeve when conflict arises from characters refusing to communicate with each other for absolutely no good reason, and the third movie was filled with this. I have also never been particularly attached to Kaworu as a character. I supposed they did a good job placing me in Shinji's perspective of not knowing what the hell was happening around him and the frustration this would inspire. But to me, the third movie is a bit of a wash, all set-up and little payoff.
... was it worth it? I'm going to say it was a little worth it. Because even as someone who truly has a lot of nostalgic affection for Evangelion, I was shocked by how emotional the 4th movie made me. I had been promised catharsis, and that promise had been delivered.
It's well-known that Hideaki Anno was struggling with depression during the production of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and that he has (mostly) been in a much more stable and happier state of mind since then. I've seen jokes that the Rebuild of Evangelion movie - at least the final one - is "Evangelion on anti-depressants". It's a little funny... but also it's true? My main reaction immediately after the credits started rolling was "I'm not used to so much hope in my Evangelion franchise??"
Having since sat down to watch the original series on my "vintage" DVDs, I was pleasantly surprised how much the series seems to hold up. It's so different watching as a teenager with all that false bravado versus as an adult. How could I have ever complained that Shinji didn't do enough, that he was running away? That poor kid only ever tried his best and was so willing to do what was asked of him in a way that few people could be, realistically. I'd actually forgotten much of the intrigue, the undercurrent of conspiracies underlying the main plotline, and was quite disappointed when it mostly died with Kaji (and the budget, and the delays, etc). So I loved that the movie "rectified" this, in a way, by carrying on the storyline.
Mostly though, it gave me time with these characters that I had craved without knowing it. The whole village sequence was so lovely, getting to just spend time with people, really focusing on characters and their inherent humanity, the importance of forming connections and just how precious life really is, why it was so worth protecting and fighting for. As a self-professed Asuka fan (yes, I bought into that whole thing back in the day), the time we got to spend with this version of Rei was incredibly rich and rewarding. She was adorable, her genuine enthusiasm to learn how to live was extremely effective. I loved her. I have never loved Ayanami Rei before.
I also loved Asuka - older and broken and embittered by everything that had happened to her, but still Asuka. She has rougher edges (as hard as it is to believe since she was never soft to begin with), but the closure she receives with Shinji was so important to me. Almost as important as the fact that Asuka gets a semblance of a "good ending" for once.
And Shinji. The "third choice" female character really didn't add much for me, so I'm ambivalent about that. But in this one it just really felt like Shinji had autonomy in his own choices and motivation for once. Seeing him at the end as an adult, happy and confident and whole. Maybe it seems like a fantasy, but I will take it, because you know what? A life that has moved past the events of Evangelion? That is all I want for Ikari Shinji. And seeing it on my screen - an unequivocally content and well-adjusted adult Shinji - made me verklempt.
I'm not sure there was a point for this ramble that took 3 years to complete. Maybe it's just about how changing perspectives with age and experience impact how we look at something and how we feel about it upon reflection. But I think it's that choice to reach for hope - after everything - that hits me the most.
Thanks for everything, Evangelion.
Mostly though, it gave me time with these characters that I had craved without knowing it. The whole village sequence was so lovely, getting to just spend time with people, really focusing on characters and their inherent humanity, the importance of forming connections and just how precious life really is, why it was so worth protecting and fighting for. As a self-professed Asuka fan (yes, I bought into that whole thing back in the day), the time we got to spend with this version of Rei was incredibly rich and rewarding. She was adorable, her genuine enthusiasm to learn how to live was extremely effective. I loved her. I have never loved Ayanami Rei before.
I also loved Asuka - older and broken and embittered by everything that had happened to her, but still Asuka. She has rougher edges (as hard as it is to believe since she was never soft to begin with), but the closure she receives with Shinji was so important to me. Almost as important as the fact that Asuka gets a semblance of a "good ending" for once.
And Shinji. The "third choice" female character really didn't add much for me, so I'm ambivalent about that. But in this one it just really felt like Shinji had autonomy in his own choices and motivation for once. Seeing him at the end as an adult, happy and confident and whole. Maybe it seems like a fantasy, but I will take it, because you know what? A life that has moved past the events of Evangelion? That is all I want for Ikari Shinji. And seeing it on my screen - an unequivocally content and well-adjusted adult Shinji - made me verklempt.
I'm not sure there was a point for this ramble that took 3 years to complete. Maybe it's just about how changing perspectives with age and experience impact how we look at something and how we feel about it upon reflection. But I think it's that choice to reach for hope - after everything - that hits me the most.
Thanks for everything, Evangelion.
The No-Kissing Chronicles
Ned | Chuck, special appearances by Olive Snook and Emerson Cod
Written for
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comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Ned/Chuck, five times they couldn't kiss
( Valentine’s Day was not exactly a holiday that inspired warm and fuzzy feelings in the Piemaker )
Encore
Chiaki Shinichi, Noda "Nodame" Megumi
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Nodame Cantabile, any, encore
530 words
( And then a lazy, streaming melody drifts across from her window to his... )
hide and seek; lost and found
Sharon "Athena" Agathon/Karl "Helo" Agathon, Hera Agathon
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Battlestar Galactica, Helo/Athena, find me.
696 words
( But they slowly wear her down together; )
my words will be your guiding light
Anastasia "Dee" Dualla
Written for a multifandom women comment ficathon
Posted here.
Prompt: battlestar galactica, kara thrace + helena cain or anastasia dualla, women who don't need saving
489 words
( But while everyone around her faced the world with open palms, Anastasia found that one of hers was always curled into a fist. )
More than any other day it's only gravity
Stephanie Brown (Spoiler/Robin IV/Batgirl IV)
Written for a multifandom women comment ficathon
Posted here.
Prompt: DCU | Steph Brown | gravity plays favorites, I know it 'cause I saw/honest to god, officer, it's awful
489 words
( Stephanie and gravity have come to an understanding. )
Girl Scout Cookies
Leslie Knope, Ben Wyatt, the Parks Department
Written for
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comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: author's choice, author's choice, that magical time of year known as Girl Scout cookie season
1093 words
( She was building the barricade all wrong according to every zombie survival guide he'd ever read, but he wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. )
A Timely Reunion
The Doctor, Mary Poppins, Valerie Felicity Frizzle
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Doctor Who/Magic School Bus/Mary Poppins. The Doctor may be the last Time Lord but there are still at least two Time Ladies running about the Universe.
338 words
( They meet - as always - at a little cafe with an excellent view; the Doctor, the Teacher, and the Nanny. )
Confetti and Curses
William Darcy, Fitz Williams
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Lizzie/Darcy, the reason Darcy is so awkward because he's actually a __________.
402 words
( "So maybe I misread the situation a little. But that doesn't mean we give up! Look how well it turned out for the Beast! That frog prince guy! The little mermaid chick!" )
Sweater-Worthy
Mabel and Dipper Pines
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Gravity Falls, Mabel + or / any characters, http://fashionablygeek.com/wp-content/u
546 words
( "My vintage Wonder Woman knitted sweater!" she practically howled, throwing her arms up in despair, "I've looked everywhere, Dipper!" )
Java Jabber
Go Eun Chan et al.
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Coffee Prince, Eun Chan +/ any, Coffee is what she loves and if other people are tired of her talking about it all the time, so be it.
1119 words
( "They especially like that I talk so much about coffee," Eun Chan nods sagely, "It's my most winning trait in Italy." )
In which a hairbrush is not just a hairbrush
Howl, Sophie
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Howl's Moving Castle, Howl/Sophie, hair brushing
694 words
( Howl was always peevish when he found a strand of red-gold hair on his hairbrush. )
Letters from Alternate Universes
Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: DCU, Tim Drake/Steph Brown, DCnU Tim finds letters from a girl he doesn't remember, but he wishes he did.
1086 words
( The first letter appeared - inexplicably - at his window, tied to a brick and labeled "Alvin Draper" in an unfamiliar scrawl. )
Under the Watchful Eye of an Unreliable Narrator
Lirael, Sabriel, Mogget
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Lirael and/or Sabriel, learning of the Abhorsens before them. Bonus points for snarky Mogget and tales of hilarity.
715 words
( “The large one with thinning hair and an unattractive attempt at a beard was Kalliel,” was Mogget’s comment as he gamely scratched at his ear )
How to Valet to Bats and Robins
Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Damian Wayne
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Alfred, How he puts up with them all
897 words.
( Inevitably, it meant that the quiet he had been so enjoying would soon come to an end for the sake of dry cleaning crime-fighting costumes. )
The PostSecret Chronicles 1
Stephanie Brown (Spoiler/Robin IV/Batgirl IV)
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Any, any, character sends a postcard to PostSecret
601 words. 1 graphic.
( This was exactly why she was doing this PostSecret thing. Because when you start addressing your diary like it's sentient, that's a sign that maybe you're starting to become a few fries short of a Happy Meal. )
Of Fire Ferrets and Dining Etiquette
Tenzin, Bolin, Pabu
Written for: Gaisce ♥ Who has written me tons of adorable fic and drawn me equally adorable fanart while receiving nothing in return. Whoops? HERE IS THE CULMINATION OF MY LOOOOOOOVE. AND LACK OF TALENT, because I am an expert at taking prompts and kindofsort of doing them wrong, sob
Prompt: Tenzin and Pabu; "he has better table manners than my kids"
731 words.
( "Yes, I believe we've met... unofficially," Tenzin acknowledged, nodding to the fire ferret in question. )
Imperfect Proposals and Happy Beginnings
Rory Williams x Amy Pond
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Rory/Amy, it was stammered and awkward and he dropped the ring twice
741 words.
( At this point, Rory was resigned to the fact that his life was and always would be a comedy of errors. )
In which Sophie gets a proper proposal
Howl, Sophie, Calcifer, Michael
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Howl/Sophie, certain things he's a stickler for tradition on- others he's very much not
1055 words
( When Howl had announced that they should live happily ever after, Sophie had rather taken it for granted that this simple statement would suffice as a marriage proposal. )
In which Howl is caught in a Cat-astrophe of his own making
Howl, Sophie, Calcifer, Morgan
Written for
comment_ficPosted here.
Prompt: Howl/Sophie, turning his son into a kitten (again) usually got him into trouble, but the little guy loved it, however turning his wife into a cat (again dammit) might have been crossing the line.
632 words
( Despite Sophie's proclamations that Howl would someday be the death of her, the infamous wizard was fairly convinced that the reverse was about to come true. )
