I have been off-handedly remarking for the past three years that I am in need of a new laptop. The reasons I came to this conclusion include - but are not limited to - the following:

1) My laptop no longer had a functional sleep mode. If left too long inactive or if I accidentally closed the lid, it would immediately go into the kind of slumber it could not be roused of without my holding the power button down. And if anyone has ever done this, it feels a lot like how I'd imagine it feels to try and drown something.

2) After forcing the computer to turn off, I would then have to disconnect the power plug AND remove the battery to get it to start again, otherwise it would struggle on an endless loop of turning on and immediately turning back off again.

3) The power cord was fraying in not one, not two, but three spots.

4) Sometimes the laptop would mysteriously shut down and restart with no warning, rhyme, or reason.

5) If jostled in just the right way, the screen and speakers would go haywire, resembling the kind of cursed technology often seen in horror movies.

6) The fan made an absolutely horrendous noise on the regular, even when I wasn't running any programs.

Yesterday I decided to back everything up on the new external hard drive I'd purchased off of Amazon. An hour or so later, the fan made a horrible sputtering noise and a little cloud of smoke puffed out of the side of my laptop. I performed the ritual "drowning" move out of panic, and when I tentatively tried to restart the laptop, I could hear a pathetic whirring noise. I can only assume the fan had finally died and the laptop is doomed to a life of rapid overheating. So I ventured into the local BestBuy and found myself a new ASUS laptop to have and to hold! They also twisted my arm into accepting their 4 year Geek Squad coverage because they were not going to let me leave that store without paying for some kind of extra perk, and when they slashed the price from $400+ to $125, I finally gave in because I just wanted to go home!

Anyway, there is still quite a lot to do to get this sleek little laptop up to snuff, but I'm confident I'll manage it in a few days. Provided my old laptop can hang in there long enough to make sure I truly have everything I need!