polychromatic | (no subject)

Therapy is... something.

After two weeks of feeling like I was taking steps towards being in a better state of mind, that things were moving in the right direction, it took ten minutes in my session today for me to be disabused of that notion.

I am on a high from finding something that makes me feel better, but it's not fixing my "core negative beliefs", apparently.

I walked away disappointed that I was feeling this level of upset and distress again. I almost felt angry, "Why am I paying $140 to feel this way?"

I know she's not wrong, but it's a tough pill to swallow. Especially as "mindfulness" still feels like such a foreign concept to me. I tried it for a week and ended in a full meltdown at work. "Paying attention to how the body feels" is difficult for me to wrap my head around. And it is so hard to find the time to "practice mindfulness" in my job, when I am so often working through my lunch breaks and putting out fires between appointments.

But.... I will try. If she really thinks it will help with my anxiety at work, that's the least I owe myself.